ERIK DOES NOT BELIEVE IN TEARS


Liveblogging the Entire LOTR Trilogy III: The Return of the King.
June 24, 2010, 5:43 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Refresh your browser for periodic updates.  SPOILER ALERT!

6:42PM: Back again, this time with the last installment in our epic melodrama. Only 5-6 hours left!  Do you remember how psyched you were for these to come out?  I remember.  I was almost “dressed-up-like-Aragorn” excited.  Had it been like two degrees more socially acceptable, I probably would’ve done it.  Or I would have gone as Liv Tyler.

Continued after the jump…

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Liveblogging the Entire LOTR Trilogy II: The Two Towers.
June 24, 2010, 1:20 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

Refresh your browser for periodic updates.  SPOILER ALERT!

2:19PM: And now we start again with the Two Towers and I’ve spilled water everywhere.  We are making good time here, people.  We can do this!  We are the US Men’s National Soccer Team of LOTR liveblogging!

Continued after the jump…

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Liveblogging the Entire LOTR Trilogy I: The Fellowship of the Ring.
June 24, 2010, 9:29 am
Filed under: Rants, Uncategorized | Tags: ,

Refresh your browser for periodic updates.  SPOILER ALERT!

10:22AM: It has begun.  This is the nerdiest/awesomest thing I have ever done.  I will liveblog the LOTR trilogy in its entirety.  I own the extended editions of each movie, so that means like 12 hours of swords, orcs, hobbit-on-hobbit love, and Liv Tyler.  Will I survive?  I would like to tell you that I am doing this without the aid of substances.  I would like to tell you that.  But it would be a lie.  I will do whatever it takes to enhance my endurance and, correspondingly, enhance your blog-reading pleasure.  Now, it has been brought to my attention that recently executed murderer Ronnie Gardner watched the entire trilogy before his death.  Don’t worry, I don’t plan to get shot by firing squad when this is all over.  Though maybe I will want that.

Continued after the jump…

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Ancient Document Dump: On the Passing of Steve Irwin.

Editor’s Note: Considering that I am completely lacking in inspiration, I thought I’d post another oldie from back in the day.  This one I wrote the night that I learned of Steve Irwin, Crocodile Hunter’s untimely and tragic death.  Please understand that this is satire, and that I was actually deeply affected by Crocodile Hunter’s death — enough to dress like him for Halloween that year.

CNN trotted out its red “breaking news” banner.  The New York Times reported in stark black and white under the “News from AP” heading.  Steve Irwin had died, struck down by the cruel unthinking malice of a stingray barb through the chest.  The preliminary reports note the irony: Steve was filming a documentary to demonstrate his bravery around stingrays.  They do not note that the barb, slicing through his heart, is pregnant with metaphor, wielded as it was by one of nature’s murderous miscreants.

I spent a summer, several years ago, employed in a Discovery Channel Store at the Briarwood Mall.  I would spend each shift sitting on the counter behind the registers, chatting with an aspiring Marxist Prog-rocker (“my band’s major influence is Rush — now compare the time signatures on these songs by Tool and King Crimson”) and a failed Central Michigan University quarterback (“I’m waiting to hit it big in hearing aid sales, but you can’t do that until you are old.”)  As the boredom slowly smoothed over the folds in my cortex, Steve’s voice would rise above the din.  It spiraled out of the seven television sets spread throughout the store.  His giant face hovered above me on the tremendous flat-screen, beckoning me to begin the two-minutes hate against man’s greatest enemy, the crocodile.  I know Steve well.  He taught me to seek power and mastery over all of Noah’s dumb beasts.  He taught that this was God’s divine will.

See Steve struggle with the crocodile who unthinkingly stumbled into some Australian suburb.  Certainly, he could have just shot the fucker with a tranquilizer dart, later dumping its flaccid body into some gully in the interior.  However, Steve, like an Ahab in uncomfortably tight shorts, had a greater ambition.  He wrestled the crocodile to demonstrate his power.  He subdued it with his own hands and then set it free in the wilderness, as if to say, “here thou art home, malignant archfiend, but soon we shall overrun you with bulldozers and houses and then you and I shall again engage in combat.  And the next time we meet, demon, I shall eat your heart.”

So it is fitting that, as the Mighty Thor dies from the poison of the great serpent Jörmungandr at Ragnarok, Steve died locked in mortal combat with nature, his greatest nemesis.  And like Ragnarok, Steve’s run-in with a flat blob with a sharp tail that sits on the floor of the sea represents his on-going struggle to destroy nature for our future.  Bindi Sue will some day see a glorious future where steel stretches high into the coal-black sky and robots feast upon the flesh of kittens.  This future will be his legacy.  Let us all kill an animal today to avenge our fallen hero.

– September, 2006



Taqueria Review: La Taqueria.

Editor’s Note: This is the second in our series of reviews of local Mission taquerias.  This taqueria review will feature content written by “Rob” our “Guest Taqueria Analyst.”

dearest burrito, you are the only thing that understands me.

Erik: Methodology – Five relatively physically healthy men, not-quite young, served as subjects in the following study of taqueria tastitude™.  The burrito and the taqueria were objectively measured using a variety of variables.  These variables were conveniently recorded in a googledoc and are summarized at the end of this review.

Rob: AnalysisLa Taqueria, or “La Taq” as it is known to local denizens, is one of the more well-known taquerias in the City. Located conveniently near the Mission & 24th St. BART stop, La Taq provides a spartan menu of burritos and tacos, with meats ranging from stewed chicken to lengua (no seafood).  Our visit to La Taq presented an interesting conundrum: the taqueria’s tacos are arguably more renowned than their burritos, therefore largely responsible for La Taq’s popularity and reputation, but for the purposes of this blog we would be focusing on the burrito only.

Rob = Burrito Gangsta

Erik: What Rob means is “Any idiot can make a good taco.”  One time, I made a taco with a hotdog, a piece of wheat bread, and ketchup.  It ain’t rocket science.  The burrito, on the other hand, is a science.  It has a glorious history.  If a San Francisco taqueria tells you it is notable for its tacos, it is simply trying to deflect criticism for suckage.

Rob: Upon entering, I was immediately struck by the colorful mural spanning the length of two adjoining walls, as well as the cheeriness of the staff. Because of the concentrated nature of the menu offerings and having had the carnitas during my previous visit, I quickly decided on a chicken burrito with cheese and avocado. The menu does not offer a “super” burrito; only one size burrito, with your choice of meat and then any sides that you wish to add. The service was prompt and courteous, without an overwhelming sense of friendliness but at a very comfortable level for an SF taqueria.

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