Most of the furniture we own has lived in my parent’s basement for the past year. Emily apparently lived on disposable bean bag chairs or mooched off of her roommates for the past 29 years, so she has no furniture of her own. Apart from our legendary Jeans Couch* (see below), we do not have much for guests to sit on. We resolved to find some comfortable chairs for our living room.
The problem is that SF furniture dealers are all on serious drugs. Yes, even for San Francisco. The prices for furniture are incredible. For example: we went to a second hand furniture store, well regarded in the neighborhood. I saw a chair in the corner. I recognized it. When I was twelve, I sat in it while I waited in the office of my evangelical Christian Indian orthodontist, Dr. Daniels. The price: $300. I assure you, Dr. Daniels did not seat us in Laz-E-Boys, Aeron Chairs, or something designed by Saarinen. No, we sat in this:
I am clearly missing something. Something big. I wish I was an investigative journalist so I could uncover the true nature of this high price market for shitty furniture. If I were Malcolm Gladwell, I could quickly come up with a facile and glib explanation. The best I can do is: Invasion of the Body Snatchers, 1978. Plot: remake of the original in which San Francisco is invaded by body snatchers. What does this have to do with cheap furniture sold at high prices? I shouldn’t have to spell it out for you but I will.
SAN FRANCISCANS ARE ACTUALLY ALIENS AND MUST FEED ON CHEAP FURNITURE TO SURVIVE!
*Emily wants to get a different slip cover for the Jeans Couch. Unfortunately for her, the Jeans Couch is to my girlfriends what Afghanistan is to Global Empires. Many have tried to conquer it. To shape it into something civilized. To tame its wild nature. All have failed.
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