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In the desert you need lots of water. We had six jugs of it, three of which we stored under a bush near our campsite. When you camp, you need wood. Although our wood was pretty terrible for starting fires during wind storms, we rationed it out and had some left over for our second night in the camp. We left it for the day next to the extra water under the brush.
O! How innocent we were! Naïve Panglossian waifs, wandering the cruel and villainous world mercifully free from the hidden knowledge of human sin! Traipsing about, as if our private property would be respected by the slithering bands of rapacious brigands that surrounded us. Under our very noses they lurked, but we could not smell their porcine stench! Near to our tent they sniffed and leered, coveting our water and shitty logs. In our blind stupor of guilelessness, we left our things freely in the open, instead of securing them responsibly.
When we returned to the campsite, our wood and water was gone. Someone had taken it. Banditry! Robbery! We were enraged. I was so filled with inflamed with boiling rage that I sat on the bench and sulked. Emily, irrational with wrath, walked calmly to the camp host to inquire about the matter. The host was confused, professed ignorance, and hypothesized that the fire pit cleaner had taken the stolen goods. He was clearly a co-conspirator, receiving kickbacks for looking the other way!
We luckily had stashed some water in our car. Though we were in danger of dying of thirst, we had about three jugs to get us through the night. We had no wood to make a fire to eat food. As I howled and stomped, uncomprehending the injustice that had befallen me, Emily walked over to a neighboring campsite and borrowed some wood. I did not recognize the wood, so I approved its use.
God approved. The wind went away. And we ate Frito chili pie, greatest of the camping delicacies.
Recipe for Frito Chili Pie
1 Can Chili – Spicy
1 bag of mexican blend shredded cheese
1 bag fritos
Cook the chili. Place fritos in bowl. Cover fritos with chili. Sprinkle on cheese and stir. Feast.
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